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LISTEN GIRL: GET OUT OF YOUR CYCLE OF MESS!

Neyara Nior By Posted on 4 3 m read 126 views

Mess is everywhere, and in everything. You can have relationship mess, family mess, and job mess, there is always mess. But we can’t get stuck in mess. I had a mentor who would always tell me, “Brittney, don’t step in shit, step over it!” When I get caught up in some mess, I sometimes have to tell myself to step over it.

It took me a while to realize what my mentor meant by this. But in essence, it means that we have control over a lot of things. We may not have control over our skin color, race, or people’s actions, but we do have control over how we react to situations.  Sometimes it’s easy to step in mess; however, you can step over mess, by realizing what you have control over, and you will always have control of you. React in a way that will get you the positive results you want.

I’ve learned that when we continue in the cycle of mess, we deny ourselves the opportunity to grow. We do the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. However, to remove ourselves from the cycle of mess we have to move into a new thought process and do something different.

I was the reigning queen of the cycle of mess not too long ago. My first love popped back into my life, for the third or fourth time, (who’s really counting?) and of course, I allowed him back in. My arms, and heart were wide open. I was expecting him to give me better results from the last time when I had given him a second chance after he broke my heart.

See the cycle?

The same man who broke my heart a few years earlier, walked back into my life, again, and again, and I allowed it, expecting him to actually do the things he said he would do. You can’t do the same things over and over again and expect different results, the next time. Nothing in life works that way.

I had to realize what I did have control over. I had control over how I allowed him to treat me. I had control over not letting him use me for his own gain, as well as him hurting me.

Read: How A Man Can Use You For His Own Gain!

I was hurting myself every time I let him back in. I was stuck in my own cycle of mess. I was stuck for a while too, but I finally saw the light, which was my self-worth.

My cycle of mess with my first love, became second nature. I knew he would come back. It was hard for me to remove myself from my toxic situation and get out of that cycle of mess. Allowing him to come back into my life, time and time again, made me miss out on a lot. That’s time I won’t ever get back, which I’m okay with, now.

I was so worried about him, and concerned with what he was doing that I stopped doing me, and what made me happy. Blogging= Stopped. Hanging out with my girls= Stopped. Life= Stopped. I was sleepwalking through life, and that’s never okay.

See, it’s not the hand you’re dealt, but how you play the cards that makes the difference. We have to move out of the cycle of mess. Most times we create the cycle unknowingly, as I did with my first love. It is time for us to grow and prosper and be our best self, for our self. Even if it means removing ourselves from toxic relationships that we have grown accustomed to.

I say this to be a wake up call to you. If you’re sleepwalking because you’re in a cycle of mess, WAKE UP! Do not press snooze again, and allow the cycle to continue. You do not have to become a victim to other people’s actions. Realize what you have control over, and you have complete control over how you respond to mess. Every decision you make moves you towards something; make sure it’s positive.

For advice on your relationship, email: thetruth@baddiegirl.com

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4 Comments
  • Jorshaq
    February 18, 2014

    Honey, you ain’t said nothing but a word! The moment you stop accepting the mess that friends, men and family bring in your space, you will have that peace of mind and more time to focus on positive things.

    • Neyara Nior
      Neyara Reed
      February 18, 2014

      Lol! You are so right and the positive things is the only thing that matters.

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