Dating Advice | B A D D I E G I R L

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER: DON’T BE CONTROLLED BY HIS WORDS

By Neyara Nior June 1, 2015August 16, 2017 0 141

So, I’m sitting in Sunday School, one Sunday (long ago-okay not that long ago…okay it was long ago), and we’re discussing the power words have. My teacher began talking about how there is power in our words, and that we should speak life.

Many of us are told this, but how many of us actually believe there is power in our words, and actually speak positivity into our lives and the lives of others?

So of course twenty minutes in, my mind has wandered off, (sorry Jesus), into how powerful words are in relationships. I began to think how much power we, as women, put into a man’s words, and how we often give men power so willingly just by the words he speaks.

Ladies, we have to remember that although there is power in the words a man speaks, there is also power in the words that we speak.

We all know there are so many men, who will tell you any and everything you want to hear, just to get you were they want you. This is why actions are so important. So many times we pay attention to only what they say, and let their words take control, when we should also stay mindful of their actions because they are saying everything. For example, they aren’t calling as much, they are texting. They stop asking those caring and important questions like “how are you” or “did you have a good day?” But because they throw around a few “love you’s” we no longer look at their actions.

Men can speak really great game, and they know this. They know they can finesse, charm, and be the casanova they so anxiously want to be.

I always tell my girlfriends to know they’re man, decipher through the talk, and access effectively. I am a firm believer in men tell you everything in the beginning. Men love to “lay down the law,” think about it. If you pay attention and listen to him, you will learn a lot more about him than you think. Men talk just as much as women. So when you go out, talk less, and listen more.

When you do speak, think first. He doesn’t need to know everything on the first date, or the fifth date. Let things flow, and grow organically. But never be afraid to say what you want. This doesn’t mean put everything on the line on the first date, but you should know what you want, and not be afraid to have expectations. You can’t waste your time having two-hundred first dates in a year.

Dating is fun, but know what you want so that you don’t waste your time on unnecessary men, and possibly unnecessary heartbreak.

Are your eyes and ears open?

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DATING LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS

NO MORE MR. WRONG! HOW TO PREPARE FOR YOUR MR. RIGHT

By Neyara Nior July 2, 2014August 16, 2017 0 242

It’s not about finding your Mr. Right, it’s about preparing yourself for your perfect mate. He will be your Mr. Right.

“Where the good men at?” “I’m looking for my Mr. Right!” “Where is my Mr. Right?”

I’ve heard it, you’ve heard it, your momma has heard, and I can promise you, your grandmother has heard it too! Finding a good man has been the topic in all the girl talks around the world, and is usually the start to some good girlfriend conversation. But enough! I’m here to help my Baddie Girl’s out with this, so that we can put an end to the epidemic of women who are constantly asking, “Where is my Mr. Right?”

First things first, stop looking for a “Mr. Right.” Your Mr. Right does exist, but it is not your job to look for him. He should find you. You aren’t a hunter trying to capture a lion! So take off your looking for a man sneakers, and put your heels back on.

When I say don’t look for Mr. Right, this doesn’t mean you just sit at home, and hope he pops up when you need to run for gas, or go grocery shopping. No. You want to go live your life. You know what you like to do, so do it! Get out and go to places, and events that you love. Go wine tasting, or try that ballroom class you’ve been putting off. It’ll be easier to attract a great guy, that thinks you’re beautiful, and the awesome thing is that you will already have something in common.

An important element in preparing for your Mr. Right is showing yourself respect. You must present yourself accordingly. You attract what you put out. When you leave the house, you should walk with confidence, and know that you are worthy of greatness. In doing this, your attire, and attitude should compliment each other. If you dress like a lady, and act as one, you will attract a gentleman; if you dress risque, and act out of order, you will attract a guy that more interested in your physical attributes.

On the contrary, what you don’t want to do, is go to places where couples flock. So that couple’s cooking class your girlfriend asked you to go to with her, don’t go, because you’ll feel like the odd woman out when everyone there is coupled up with their special lover, and you’re there with your best friend. You also shouldn’t call your girlfriends, and say, “Where the men at tonight?” I understand, not wanting to be around a bunch of women every time you go out, when you’re trying to meet some nice men in your area. In order to come across those men, you have to not look for them, or think hard about it, but go out and have fun!

The hardest part in preparing for your Mr. Right, is knowing how to respectfully reject those men who don’t fit your needs. This sounds harsh, but it’s real life. There’s no need to take a guy’s number, whom you don’t intend on texting or calling ever in life, or giving your number to a guy who you don’t want texting or calling you. Being led on, with nowhere to go, doesn’t feel good, and in the end someone always gets hurt. So don’t lead a man on to no man’s land. If you’re not interested in a guy who is clearly interested in you, don’t have him waste anymore time on you, to stroke your ego. Politely let him know that you are not interested. No need to block your blessing, or his.

It’s simple. The keys to preparing yourself for your Mr. Right is, to stop looking for him, and let him find you; live your life doing the things you love to do; know yourself, and what you like; present yourself with the respect you desire, and know how to say no to the guys you are not interested in.

Now get out, and do what you love!

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HUMAN INTEREST LIFESTYLE

BOOK REVIEW: A BLACK GIRL’S GUIDE TO DATING WHITE MEN

By Elle June 27, 2014August 16, 2017 2 1K

A Black Girl’s Guide to Dating White Men– Niki McElroy

I have a strong interest in sociology and human relationships (interracial relationships in America in particular), and I came across this book while browsing at the library. Since it is thin, I figured I would be able to finish it rather quickly. Fortunately, it didn’t take more than 1.5 hours to work my way through this “gem.” And honestly, I would be upset if I had spent any more time studying this guide on How to Be A Foolish Black Woman (ok, I might have taken some liberty with my rendition of the title).

But honestly, I think this book truly deserves a negative rating – it is horrendous. In addition to the stylistic and grammatical errors that run rampant, the actual content of the book is so stereotypical and prejudiced – it is hard not to call the book trash.

Truthfully, I don’t want to throw too much shade at Niki, but I was continually stunned by how ignorant the author sounds. While I commend her for encouraging black women to be more open to finding love outside of their race, the manner in which she does so is borderline appalling. She speaks about white men as if she is a hunter on safari looking for a white tiger, and she tries to rope the reader into her hunt by giving out tips and tricks for how to catch ‘em.

The cover display is two half-naked people feeling each other up and this pretty much sums up everything you need to know about this guide — it just is not to be taken seriously. After reading the first page, I honestly thought this was satire, but unfortunately, the author is beyond serious with her overplayed stereotypes of black and white people. She talks to black women as though they are all angry, culturally incompetent, and thirsty enough to use her tactics to find the all-revered white man. She speaks of white men as though they are all shy and intimidated when it comes to talking with black women and she has created three neat categories to place them into (the businessman, the jock, and the edgy guy/artist). The gross generalizations get old quickly.

I also took issue with the pictures she included. They were poor quality and of no relevance, whatsoever. I suppose she adds pictures of random white men and women who are supposed to be dating, because it is a guide and she does want readers to learn something from her book. So at the very least, you can walk away saying you know what a black woman and white man look like when they are sitting with each other. The pictures are also interesting because she seems to flaunt these couples as people you should know, but when you look at them and read the captions, you realize very quickly that you definitely do not know any of these “super successful white men” and random black ladies. I mean seriously, these people are not even halfway relevant. I mean who is Leonardo Attolini? I have never heard of him. I googled him and still couldn’t find anything.) Not to mention the fact that some of the white guys she features look like men that rolled straight off the Jersey Shore – I’m reading this book thinking to myself, “Niki, you can keep that.” But I guess it’s none of my business if women want to be with Pauly D….

I am sure there is a certain audience that would benefit from reading this book. (Isn’t there always something for everyone?) The only potential positive I see is that maybe some women will be encouraged to open their minds and hearts to finding love outside their race.

I could give you a much shorter summary of this guide in one phrase, “Girl, Bye!” I’m not kidding.

I sent excerpts to my boyfriend (who on a semi-related note is white), because I was literally tearing up from laughing so hard.

Here are some of the quotes I sent him along with my commentary:

“White men don’t typically cook for themselves and would rather go out while still enjoying a lovely dinner with a desirable ambiance.” (Yeah, all those white men I see at the local Chinese takeout…. They really enjoy the lovely dinner and desirable ambiance.)
“There are many different locations white men frequent. I find that they are creatures of habit, so if there is a place they enjoy, you can catch them there over and over again.” (She sounds like the Crocodile Hunter here….)
“Or teach yourself to enjoy a little Coldplay, John Mayer, or James Blunt. It’s actually pretty good music and you may find yourself liking it better than this new wave of 21^st century hip hop.” (Are we still on the whole black people music and white people music thing? This is just so so so played out. And James Blunt is terrible. But I did get that new Coldplay CD though!)
“To not look ‘tacky’, unless it’s in combination with a more delectable dish, stay away from the California Roll. It’s very cliché for blacks to order the simple rolls, just as we do the sweet wines.” (I think Boo would be happier if I got simple rolls, it’d keep more dollars in his pocket! J)

There are a plethora of books that give the topic of interracial dating a much more thoughtful and enlightening treatment than this one. For starters, I recommend “Is Marriage for White People?” by Ralph Richard Banks and “Don’t Bring Home A White Boy” by Karyn Langhorne Folan.

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LIFESTYLE WORD OF ADVICE

YOU’RE WORTH THE FIGHT

By Neyara Nior March 10, 2014August 16, 2017 0 96

Ever notice how we often fight for the one’s who are our ultimate downfall, rather than the one’s who are team you, and want to uplift and inspire.

In relationships especially the romantic ones, we, as women, will fight for a man to stay, even when it’s apparent that his season in our life is over. I’ve learned that although it may be hard, if a man walks out of your life, the only reason you should stop him, is because you want to open the door for him to walk out of.

No need to ask questions, or try to talk it out with him. If he has made up in his mind that you are not worth fighting for, and wants to leave, let him leave. No need to fight for someone who isn’t fighting for you.

Easier said than done. I know. I’ve been there.

But what’s worse, fighting for a man who doesn’t fully respect who you are and the role you thought you played in his life, or letting him go?

So just in case no one has told you, or maybe you haven’t been told in while, know that you are special, and are worth fighting for. You deserve someone who gives you the respect of trying to work out the kinks in your relationship rather than walking out on you just because times got tough.

Do not ever fight for someone to stay if hey would not do it in return for you.

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BADDIE TV

HE CHEATED, DO I NEED A PLAN B?

By Neyara Nior February 19, 2014August 16, 2017 0 78

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I was asked to give my opinion and some advice on a young lady’s situation.

She feels as though she needs a plan b, because her boyfriend cheated on her.

So, why pack your bags and not leave? That’s what having a plan b is doing. You have one foot in your mess, and another foot trying to walk away.

Read: How To Get Out Of Your Mess

I don’t think you need a Plan B in your relationship, if you feel as though the relationship is not going to work, leave. It’s that simple.

Watch the video above to see my full response.

Do you have a Plan B? Do you think you need a Plan B in your relationship?

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DATING LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS

LISTEN GIRL: YOU DESERVE MORE,LEAVE THAT 4-WALL RELATIONSHIP!

By Neyara Nior February 3, 2014August 16, 2017 2 162

You may not like what I’m about to talk about, but oh well. I’m all about being honest, and this seems to be a problem, that some of us aren’t aware of.

Let me bring it to light for you.

We all know you can tell if a guy is serious about you, just from his approach. Because we don’t pay attention, we often overlook the red flags, that scream: He Only Wants SEX! It’s easy to miss this sign, because, maybe, you’ve been eyeing this man all evening, and is surprised that he even approached you. But we have to pay better attention.

Red flags, that you want to stay away from, can include anything, from him touching you inappropriately in the first five minutes of your conversation, to speaking sexually to you prematurely. It’s not funny, so do not laugh it off during your conversation. If you feel as though these aren’t red flags that need to be taken seriously, don’t be surprised when you all have sex, and he falls quiet. The signs are always in the beginning.

When he starts doing the little cute things, like sending you sweet “good morning” text messages, don’t lose focus! On the inside, you are going to be anxious to see him, so when he finally asks you, “How about you come over Friday night? I’ll order a pizza, and we can watch movies,” do NOT go! If you do, please realize that you have opened the door for this new relationship to become, what I call, a 4-Wall relationship.

A 4-Wall relationship is when a man dates you in the comfort of his home, and maybe yours too, if you allow it. No one really knows that you all are dating because all you do is sit around the house talking, and watching movies, which is better known as “chilling.” This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you, but you both have become so comfortable with chilling that he hasn’t taken you on a real date.

When you talk to your friends about him, you realize that you’re missing out on the fun of dating. You notice that the only memories you have are at his house. Now, you’re conflicted, and don’t know what to do, because when you bring it to his attention, he doesn’t see anything wrong with you coming over, or him stopping by your place.

You want more. You deserve more. He should want to take you out on a real date.

Read: How To Clarify Your Relationship!

4-Wall relations happen all the time in college. Many college relationships start with 4-Wall relationships. Think about it. No one talks about it because it seems cool to go over a guy’s house, and just chill. However, as you get older, house dates are unacceptable. Although it does happen, there is a way to stop the routine of being in a 4-wall relationship.

First you must acknowledge that you are in, or have been victim to this type of relationship. This may be hard to admit when the man of your dreams, for the moment, is dating you in his house. Realize that you set the standards for the relationship, and that is why he still hasn’t taken you out for a real date.

Next, decide what you want from him. This is so important, I’ll probably say this in every post I write. You have to know what you want, so be honest with yourself. Do you want to be in a relationship? Or, are you just trying to have fun? You both need to be on the same page. You can’t be looking for a forever, and he’s still going to the strip clubs, screaming “F*ck B*tches! Get Money!”

Finally, you have to change your mindset. It’s not just about knowing your self-worth; it’s about knowing what you want out of a relationship and putting forth the correct effort. You can’t expect to be in the relationship of your dreams if you are still in the mindset of going over a man’s house at three in the morning to “chill.”

Break that routine! Let him know in the beginning that you are not comfortable with coming to his house, and you will meet him at your favorite restaurant.

Please do not think I have not made this mistake. I have been there, so do not think you are alone in this. just about every woman has found herself dating her “boo” in his house, and if you haven’t…keep living.

If you want a man to take you serious, do not allow him to date you in his home. If he can go out and spend twenty dollars on take-out to bring back to his house for you all to eat while watching movies; he can take you out to Applebee’s, Chili’s, or T.G.I. Friday’s, just to name a few, for their two for twenty dinner special.

Don’t agree? Tell me how you feel in the comments section below.

For advice on your relationships email: thetruth@baddiegirl.com

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DATING LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS

STOP TEXTING! PICK UP THE PHONE AND TALK

By Neyara Nior February 1, 2014August 16, 2017 1 114

Picture it!

You’ve been working all day. You finally get home, and you get that one phone call you’ve been waiting for, from the one person you actually want to talk to: your new boo. Although you all just started talking, you can tell he really likes you. It’s obvious that he’s been thinking of you and wanting to call you and now you both can enjoy each other’s conversation.

Yea, that crap isn’t happening like it used to.

I’m coming to the harsh realization that we live in a society that values texting. Texting has become the way of life for so many people. So much that the younger generation is teaching their grandparents how to text!

Lord help.

I cannot stand texting. My patience runs thin when I have to wait for an answer, I know I can get instantly through a phone call. I’ve gone through some serious anxiety waiting for a text response, especially from a man. Not again. If I need you, I will call you; friend, man or relative.

My friends know I hate texting so they usually make an effort to call me, or at least treat me as if I’m a priority call if I do call. (Thank you y’all!) On the other hand, some of my friends have become just horrible with phone calls, but can text you back so fast you’ll still be one the phone waiting for them to pick up. They don’t even realize that this is a problem.

If you can’t communicate effectively through a phone with your girlfriends, how good is your communication with your man?

I’m only being honest.

The other day, me and my girlfriend went out for drinks. Her face was buried into her phone. Of course she was texting her boo. So I asked, “How often do y’all talk on the phone, you know, having an actual voice-to-voice conversation?” She hesitated, then answered, “often.” That little heifa couldn’t tell me the last time they had spoken on the phone. She blamed it on her not being a “phone person,” whatever that is. She thought it was funny, because, I, of course, turned it into an Oprah moment and got on her about it.

What did I tell her?

If that man ain’t over seas fighting for the Country, you should have an actual phone conversation at least two to three times a week. That’s if you all are serious about each other, or moving into being serious with each other. Along with some more of my opinion.

Listen. “Good morning,” and “Have a nice day” texts are sweet, but if you and your boo, aren’t having actual phone conversations, there is a problem. Trust me when I say this, you are NOT the only one getting those sweet text messages throughout the day.

Read: How To Not Loose Focus When You Get Those Sweet Text Messages

I, like a few others on this Earth, value a good phone conversation. Communicating through the phone allows you to become more intimate, and personal. This is the most important reason why you need to talk on the phone. Talking on the phone let’s you in on who a person really is, if you haven’t gone on that first date just yet. You can also learn things about your boo, if you pay attention. Here are a few things you can learn from talking to your boo thang over the phone.

If He Can Hold A Conversation of Substance

You both should be active in the conversation. However, if he can’t hold your attention over the phone, imagine what will happen on a date. You’ can’t go to the movies forever! While on the phone, there may be a few awkward silences, this isn’t a bad thing, but see how he handles them. Does he just sit there, and listen to you breathe? Does he make small talk, or ask you something interesting? This can easily let you know what type of man he is.

What You All Really Have In Common

“What’s your favorite…” is cute in the beginning, but he should be asking questions that go into the depth of you as a person. You want to be on the same page. See how deep he goes into learning more about you, and what you all have in common. This will tell you if he’s interested in you, or what’s between your legs. If you realize you aren’t interested in him, you won’t be able to hide or deny it.

Whether Or Not He Talks To You Or Talks At You

All I will say about this is, you will be able to tell if he actually pays attention to you and the things you say, or if he’s self-absorbed and only wants to talk about himself. It doesn’t matter how long you all have known each other, he should be interested in getting to know who you are as a person of interest, not his homeboy.

I will talk more in depth about this at a later date.

If He’s Really All He Claims to Be

You can’t hide that you aren’t as intellectual as you claim to be on social networks while on the phone. He’s bound to show you his true colors at some point. Ask trick questions if you have to! It’s going to get real. If you have yet to go out with your new boo, you’ll be able to see him in his true essence over the phone. When you start seeing him for who he really is, assess whether he has potential to be something serious, or if he needs to sit over in the friend zone.

Stop texting so much! Pick up the phone and see what that man is really about. I’m not saying go call your boo right now. I am saying there should be more to your relationship than texting, especially in the beginning. One day tell him that you can’t text at that moment, and you will call him in about 20 minutes. See how he reacts. If you do call, and he doesn’t pick up, or call you back, and this happens at least twice, you know you’re not the only one, and he may not be that into you. Sorry boo. Go talk to somebody who wants to talk to you, and learn more about who you really are.

For advice on your relationships email: thetruth@baddiegirl.com

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Tag Archives Dating Advice

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER: DON’T BE CONTROLLED BY HIS WORDS

NO MORE MR. WRONG! HOW TO PREPARE FOR YOUR MR. RIGHT

It’s not about finding your Mr. Right, it’s about preparing yourself for your perfect mate. He will be your Mr. Right.

BOOK REVIEW: A BLACK GIRL’S GUIDE TO DATING WHITE MEN

A Black Girl’s Guide to Dating White Men– Niki McElroy

YOU’RE WORTH THE FIGHT

HE CHEATED, DO I NEED A PLAN B?

LISTEN GIRL: YOU DESERVE MORE,LEAVE THAT 4-WALL RELATIONSHIP!

STOP TEXTING! PICK UP THE PHONE AND TALK

If He Can Hold A Conversation of Substance

What You All Really Have In Common

Whether Or Not He Talks To You Or Talks At You

If He’s Really All He Claims to Be

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