LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS | B A D D I E G I R L

HE’S NOT YOURS! HIM ENTERTAINING OTHER WOMEN SAYS SO!

By Neyara Nior February 11, 2014August 16, 2017 1 138

Neya!

I read your post about clarifying your relationship. What really stuck out to me, is when you said that it’s not you and him against the world if he hasn’t told you that. Well, what if he tells you that? What if he says that it’s just you and him, and that it’s “us” against the world, but he won’t clearly define the relationship, and he still talks to other girls.

Girl Help!

Hey, Girl Help!

I don’t know if this is your situation, so do not get offended when I say “you”He’ within my answer.

So it sounds like you’re dealing with a typical manipulative casanova. You know, the guy who wants several pieces of cake, and plans to eat every piece. He tells you everything you want to hear, because it sounds good, but his actions don’t line up. I know it’s easy to believe a man, when he says all of the right things, but remember his actions will always be loud and clear.

Clearly he is a liar.

Despite what he says, it is not you and him against the world because you know there are other girls in the picture. You do not have to allow him to treat you like you’re one of his options. Do not put yourself through the hurt he is setting you up for.

Think about it, if you move into an exclusive relationship with this man those other girls aren’t going anywhere. They’re there now, and he’s trying to make you believe that you’re his one and only, so what makes you think they’re leaving anytime soon? In essence, he’s telling you what you want to hear, but showing you what you don’t need in a relationship. Truth is, he could be saying the same thing to those other girls.

You are not alone, I’ve been there. I was talking to a guy and he talked about us getting married, for years! In my mind he treated me good. We had good open communication, he bought me the things I liked, and whatever I needed emotionally, he provided. I later realized that he had set me up for hurt. He was doing the same for another young lady.

That’s when it all clicked. He talked to me about marriage, but we weren’t even in a relationship. That doesn’t add up…at all. I was wrapped up in his words, and his actions lined up good enough for me. I dismissed the red flags that were waving in my face, because, he pacified me. He told me what he thought I wanted to hear, but I had to pick myself up and find my happy, and you have to do the same.

In your situation, realize that you are being pacified with his words. He is not committing to you. He’s committing to himself, doing what makes him happy, and right now that’s you and the other girls he’s talking to. Know that it is okay, don’t be upset, don’t go crazy, it’s a learning experience.

Realize now that you’re worth more than pretty words. Commit to yourself, and do what makes you happy. I’m sure treating him like a priority, while you’re his option isn’t what makes you happy. You are worthy enough to be someone’s priority.

For advice on your relationship email: thetruth@baddiegirl.com

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DATING LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS

LISTEN GIRL: YOU DESERVE MORE,LEAVE THAT 4-WALL RELATIONSHIP!

By Neyara Nior February 3, 2014August 16, 2017 2 162

You may not like what I’m about to talk about, but oh well. I’m all about being honest, and this seems to be a problem, that some of us aren’t aware of.

Let me bring it to light for you.

We all know you can tell if a guy is serious about you, just from his approach. Because we don’t pay attention, we often overlook the red flags, that scream: He Only Wants SEX! It’s easy to miss this sign, because, maybe, you’ve been eyeing this man all evening, and is surprised that he even approached you. But we have to pay better attention.

Red flags, that you want to stay away from, can include anything, from him touching you inappropriately in the first five minutes of your conversation, to speaking sexually to you prematurely. It’s not funny, so do not laugh it off during your conversation. If you feel as though these aren’t red flags that need to be taken seriously, don’t be surprised when you all have sex, and he falls quiet. The signs are always in the beginning.

When he starts doing the little cute things, like sending you sweet “good morning” text messages, don’t lose focus! On the inside, you are going to be anxious to see him, so when he finally asks you, “How about you come over Friday night? I’ll order a pizza, and we can watch movies,” do NOT go! If you do, please realize that you have opened the door for this new relationship to become, what I call, a 4-Wall relationship.

A 4-Wall relationship is when a man dates you in the comfort of his home, and maybe yours too, if you allow it. No one really knows that you all are dating because all you do is sit around the house talking, and watching movies, which is better known as “chilling.” This doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you, but you both have become so comfortable with chilling that he hasn’t taken you on a real date.

When you talk to your friends about him, you realize that you’re missing out on the fun of dating. You notice that the only memories you have are at his house. Now, you’re conflicted, and don’t know what to do, because when you bring it to his attention, he doesn’t see anything wrong with you coming over, or him stopping by your place.

You want more. You deserve more. He should want to take you out on a real date.

Read: How To Clarify Your Relationship!

4-Wall relations happen all the time in college. Many college relationships start with 4-Wall relationships. Think about it. No one talks about it because it seems cool to go over a guy’s house, and just chill. However, as you get older, house dates are unacceptable. Although it does happen, there is a way to stop the routine of being in a 4-wall relationship.

First you must acknowledge that you are in, or have been victim to this type of relationship. This may be hard to admit when the man of your dreams, for the moment, is dating you in his house. Realize that you set the standards for the relationship, and that is why he still hasn’t taken you out for a real date.

Next, decide what you want from him. This is so important, I’ll probably say this in every post I write. You have to know what you want, so be honest with yourself. Do you want to be in a relationship? Or, are you just trying to have fun? You both need to be on the same page. You can’t be looking for a forever, and he’s still going to the strip clubs, screaming “F*ck B*tches! Get Money!”

Finally, you have to change your mindset. It’s not just about knowing your self-worth; it’s about knowing what you want out of a relationship and putting forth the correct effort. You can’t expect to be in the relationship of your dreams if you are still in the mindset of going over a man’s house at three in the morning to “chill.”

Break that routine! Let him know in the beginning that you are not comfortable with coming to his house, and you will meet him at your favorite restaurant.

Please do not think I have not made this mistake. I have been there, so do not think you are alone in this. just about every woman has found herself dating her “boo” in his house, and if you haven’t…keep living.

If you want a man to take you serious, do not allow him to date you in his home. If he can go out and spend twenty dollars on take-out to bring back to his house for you all to eat while watching movies; he can take you out to Applebee’s, Chili’s, or T.G.I. Friday’s, just to name a few, for their two for twenty dinner special.

Don’t agree? Tell me how you feel in the comments section below.

For advice on your relationships email: thetruth@baddiegirl.com

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DATING LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS

STOP TEXTING! PICK UP THE PHONE AND TALK

By Neyara Nior February 1, 2014August 16, 2017 1 114

Picture it!

You’ve been working all day. You finally get home, and you get that one phone call you’ve been waiting for, from the one person you actually want to talk to: your new boo. Although you all just started talking, you can tell he really likes you. It’s obvious that he’s been thinking of you and wanting to call you and now you both can enjoy each other’s conversation.

Yea, that crap isn’t happening like it used to.

I’m coming to the harsh realization that we live in a society that values texting. Texting has become the way of life for so many people. So much that the younger generation is teaching their grandparents how to text!

Lord help.

I cannot stand texting. My patience runs thin when I have to wait for an answer, I know I can get instantly through a phone call. I’ve gone through some serious anxiety waiting for a text response, especially from a man. Not again. If I need you, I will call you; friend, man or relative.

My friends know I hate texting so they usually make an effort to call me, or at least treat me as if I’m a priority call if I do call. (Thank you y’all!) On the other hand, some of my friends have become just horrible with phone calls, but can text you back so fast you’ll still be one the phone waiting for them to pick up. They don’t even realize that this is a problem.

If you can’t communicate effectively through a phone with your girlfriends, how good is your communication with your man?

I’m only being honest.

The other day, me and my girlfriend went out for drinks. Her face was buried into her phone. Of course she was texting her boo. So I asked, “How often do y’all talk on the phone, you know, having an actual voice-to-voice conversation?” She hesitated, then answered, “often.” That little heifa couldn’t tell me the last time they had spoken on the phone. She blamed it on her not being a “phone person,” whatever that is. She thought it was funny, because, I, of course, turned it into an Oprah moment and got on her about it.

What did I tell her?

If that man ain’t over seas fighting for the Country, you should have an actual phone conversation at least two to three times a week. That’s if you all are serious about each other, or moving into being serious with each other. Along with some more of my opinion.

Listen. “Good morning,” and “Have a nice day” texts are sweet, but if you and your boo, aren’t having actual phone conversations, there is a problem. Trust me when I say this, you are NOT the only one getting those sweet text messages throughout the day.

Read: How To Not Loose Focus When You Get Those Sweet Text Messages

I, like a few others on this Earth, value a good phone conversation. Communicating through the phone allows you to become more intimate, and personal. This is the most important reason why you need to talk on the phone. Talking on the phone let’s you in on who a person really is, if you haven’t gone on that first date just yet. You can also learn things about your boo, if you pay attention. Here are a few things you can learn from talking to your boo thang over the phone.

If He Can Hold A Conversation of Substance

You both should be active in the conversation. However, if he can’t hold your attention over the phone, imagine what will happen on a date. You’ can’t go to the movies forever! While on the phone, there may be a few awkward silences, this isn’t a bad thing, but see how he handles them. Does he just sit there, and listen to you breathe? Does he make small talk, or ask you something interesting? This can easily let you know what type of man he is.

What You All Really Have In Common

“What’s your favorite…” is cute in the beginning, but he should be asking questions that go into the depth of you as a person. You want to be on the same page. See how deep he goes into learning more about you, and what you all have in common. This will tell you if he’s interested in you, or what’s between your legs. If you realize you aren’t interested in him, you won’t be able to hide or deny it.

Whether Or Not He Talks To You Or Talks At You

All I will say about this is, you will be able to tell if he actually pays attention to you and the things you say, or if he’s self-absorbed and only wants to talk about himself. It doesn’t matter how long you all have known each other, he should be interested in getting to know who you are as a person of interest, not his homeboy.

I will talk more in depth about this at a later date.

If He’s Really All He Claims to Be

You can’t hide that you aren’t as intellectual as you claim to be on social networks while on the phone. He’s bound to show you his true colors at some point. Ask trick questions if you have to! It’s going to get real. If you have yet to go out with your new boo, you’ll be able to see him in his true essence over the phone. When you start seeing him for who he really is, assess whether he has potential to be something serious, or if he needs to sit over in the friend zone.

Stop texting so much! Pick up the phone and see what that man is really about. I’m not saying go call your boo right now. I am saying there should be more to your relationship than texting, especially in the beginning. One day tell him that you can’t text at that moment, and you will call him in about 20 minutes. See how he reacts. If you do call, and he doesn’t pick up, or call you back, and this happens at least twice, you know you’re not the only one, and he may not be that into you. Sorry boo. Go talk to somebody who wants to talk to you, and learn more about who you really are.

For advice on your relationships email: thetruth@baddiegirl.com

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DATING LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS

SAY NO TO BLURRED LINES! CLARIFY YOUR RELATIONSHIP

By Neyara Nior January 29, 2014August 16, 2017 2 759

I hear women complaining about where they stand with “their” man too often. I never knew this was such a big issue until I saw women complaining about not knowing where they stood with “their” man through social media. They even go so far as to threaten to leave a man they don’t know is there’s or not.

I’ve seen it. You’ve seen it, and some of us have been there.

The statuses are usually four paragraphs long, and she is going in, letting everyone know there is trouble in paradise. She says little stuff like this:

“Imma do me since he don’t know what he wants.“

“All I want is a man that’s upfront with me, let me know what we doing!“

“Soooo…he think it’s okay to talk to other girls? I’m done!“

The funny part is they know they aren’t leaving their situation, it’s just all in the name of wanting some attention. The solution is so simple, communication.

In my mind, I’m thinking, the relationship won’t work anyway, because she doesn’t know how to communicate with him, and in some situations, he doesn’t know how to communicate either. Plus, if anything goes wrong, she’s going to put everything out there on social media. Who wants to deal with that?

You should never get to the point where you are tired of being unsure of where you stand in your relationship. So tired that you take to social media to be your friend you vent to. Call your girlfriends, write in a journal, do something that gives you that freedom to scream, cuss and cry, and not have the World know about it.

If you’re at this point, it’s time to stand up for yourself.

You love you, right?

Be clear. Ask questions.

You should know if you are his girlfriend, sex buddy, familiar, just friends, or dating. Whichever you are you should be okay with that. Do not ever make assumptions on where you stand with a man. That leads to disappointment. It is not you and him against the world, if he has not told you that. The saddest part is that most of us don’t know what we want from a man. What are you expecting him to do for you, when you don’t know what you’re expecting him to do for you?

Read: He Says It’s You And Him Against The World, But He Has Other Chicks!

You have to be honest with yourself before you can get clarity from him. Know your wants and your needs. Ask yourself, can this man provide me with my expectations? If he fits the role of provider, that’s when it’s time you ask him about your relationship and where it’s headed. However, if you know in your heart he is not what you need, let it go. Don’t look back. Go be great, with someone else.

You can not trust a man to make the first move on everything. Sometimes you have to step up and take action. Just don’t have an attitude. Asking a man where you stand can be a touchy conversation. Allow yourself time to get mentally prepared for his response. Anything can come out of his mouth. He may ask you, where does he stand with you. You have to be ready to answer that question. So be ready.

What you don’t want is an open-ended, still up in the air, you ain’t got no closure about the situation, answer. If he can’t answer your question, chances are you’re the side-chick, or you’re just not that important to him. Either way, you need to pack your things, and move on. If he has any respect for you, he should be able to provide you with a clear answer. Do not stay in a situation that does not completely satisfy you. You do not want to miss out on the possibility of meeting your Mr. Right.

If you do get the, open-ended, still up in the air, you ain’t got no closure about the situation, answer, it is perfectly fine to let him know what you all are doing. Let him know that you’re just dating, or are sex buddies or you don’t want anything more from him than friendship, or that you all are exclusive. But, then ask yourself, “Is this the type of relationship I want to be in?” Do you want to take the lead in the relationship, or do you want a man who knows what he wants, and can communicate that to you?

Blurred lines are not pretty. Everyone deserves clarity, and if you are struggling to get it: That’s your clarity!

Do not be blind to his actions. A man may not always tell you how he feels about you, but he will always show you. Pay attention. Know your worth, and know when it’s time to move on. You can do it girl!

For advice on your relationships email: thetruth@baddiegirl.com

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DATING LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS

CLOSE THAT DOOR! DON’T LET HIM IN…AGAIN!

By Neyara Nior January 28, 2014August 16, 2017 2 92

I received a text message from an unknown number the other day. It read “Whassup.” When I found out who it was, I was pleasantly surprised that one of my old crushes decided to contact me.

So, I flipped the script on him and responded: “Please do NOT miss me now. You had your chance, you wanted to be friends, and now we aren’t even that.”

He thought I was joking with him. I wasn’t.

I haven’t responded to him since.

Ladies, speak to these men the way they speak to you. Talk their language. Do not allow a man to walk in and out of your life whenever he chooses to.

You will be the one who gets hurt every time, because you openly allow a man to use you and your feelings, for his gain.

Yes, his gain! He could be feeling down, and want some attention. He could be coming to you because he knows that you’ll always answer, you’ll always forgive him, and/or you’ll always give him some.

Do not allow a man to place you in a vulnerable situation, just to leave you in the same place in three months or less. You have the control to say no. It’s just time for you to remember that you hold the power.

I had to ask myself, what does this man want from me? Conversation? A pep-talk? A friendly hug? Sex? …it didn’t matter what he wanted, because he wasn’t getting it from me.

I refuse to waste any of my time fulfilling a man’s wants or needs, when I’m not even important enough for a phone call. I also refuse to put myself through that type of hurt again. I don’t give men a second chance to hurt me, and neither should you!

Just because a guy from your past contacts you, does not mean you have to let him in. He missed out. Sorry. His loss, not yours.

When a man shows you who he is, believe him.

Actions prove everything. If you think you need closure, you won’t need it, because his actions will be all the closure you need.

When a man wants to be a part of your life, he will make an obvious effort. If he isn’t making you a priority, or at least making you feel as though you matter, don’t save space for him in your heart, or in your life.

You should love yourself more than any other person on this Earth. If you’re struggling with self-love, then you really have no reason to open that door again. You need to work on you, so that you can let someone who truly loves you, show you what it means to love.

For advice on your relationships email: thetruth@baddiegirl.com

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LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS WORD OF ADVICE

PERFECTLY IMPERFECT AND LOVING IT!

By Neyara Nior January 11, 2014August 16, 2017 0 90

To be perfectly imperfect, is to realize that you are not perfect and still love yourself.

In today’s society it seems as though everyone wants to be perfect, but that simply does not exist. Although you may not be perfect, you are so special, but you have to know that for yourself. It’s time you start loving your imperfect self.

Let those around you know that they are beautiful, special, and don’t be afraid to say that you love them as well. Uplift and inspire those people around you, you never know who you may be a blessing to.

Here are some ways to appreciate your perfectly imperfect self.

6. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS

You’ve come through some tough situations. Looking from the outside in, some may not have even known you went through some of the things you overcame. Be happy that you are moving forward, and stay positive.

5. NOTICE YOUR SUCCESS

It’s easy to just move through this life in our normal routine. But stop. Realize how far you’ve come in whatever project you’re working on. It’s okay to appreciate you for your accomplishments. If you’ve tackled a big project its perfectly fine to eat a cupcake with a glass of wine. Don’t wait for anyone to celebrate with you, celebrate yourself with yourself.

4. FIND BEAUTY IN EVERYTHING

There is beauty in the worst of days, but it’s up to you to find the beauty. There is beauty in the things you may not like about yourself. You may feel as though you are one flawed individual, but you have to love on you and realize how beautiful you are, both inside and out.

3. FOCUS ON TODAY

Tomorrow is gone, and tomorrow hasn’t come, so focus on today. Stop over-thinking things that aren’t in your control. Enjoy today, and stop stressing what hasn’t had yet to come. So focus on the great things that are happening around you.

2. FORGET TO WORRY

Worrying will make you sick. When you find yourself in a situation where you instantly begin to worry, find positivity around you. Find something to smile about, and then laugh. To worry is to waste time. Disappointments happen. Everything won’t go the way you plan and people will not do the things you want them to or react the way you would like them to.

1. DON’T LOOSE YOUR BARK

Don’t ever loose yourself in a job that isn’t your dream, or in helping someone else’s dream at all. I’ve done it, and it isn’t worth it. Know your worth. Know your voice and don’t let anyone try to dim your light. Know that you are special, and that you have something to offer this world.

I hope you can realize through your imperfection you are perfection. God makes no mistakes.

How do you deal with loving yourself through your flaws and imperfections?

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You are viewing LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS

HE’S NOT YOURS! HIM ENTERTAINING OTHER WOMEN SAYS SO!

LISTEN GIRL: YOU DESERVE MORE,LEAVE THAT 4-WALL RELATIONSHIP!

STOP TEXTING! PICK UP THE PHONE AND TALK

If He Can Hold A Conversation of Substance

What You All Really Have In Common

Whether Or Not He Talks To You Or Talks At You

If He’s Really All He Claims to Be

SAY NO TO BLURRED LINES! CLARIFY YOUR RELATIONSHIP

CLOSE THAT DOOR! DON’T LET HIM IN…AGAIN!

PERFECTLY IMPERFECT AND LOVING IT!

To be perfectly imperfect, is to realize that you are not perfect and still love yourself.

6. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS

5. NOTICE YOUR SUCCESS

4. FIND BEAUTY IN EVERYTHING

3. FOCUS ON TODAY

2. FORGET TO WORRY

1. DON’T LOOSE YOUR BARK

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